If you live with it, you can live without it.

So I felt like I needed a little break after the monotony of doing two posts that are the same, so cheers to a break.

Every time I get an idea for a blog post it has to follow a simple guideline: it must be either funny or helpful. Posts that do not follow this are quickly nixed. Now I'm about to break this guideline by presenting a topic that is quasi informational, funny, and helpful.

I moved out the spring semester of my freshmen year and haven't lived at home since. These are some things I've lived without for a year:

one. Ziploc bags. Never underestimate my skills of folding a pizza into a round tupperware container.

two. Bread. I have never actually bought a loaf of bread this whole time. That means I have not made myself a pb&j or any other sandwich in the past year. I guess having them everyday during high school surpassed my current want.

three. Typical condiments. Kind of going along with bread, I have never bought jelly (peanut butter was given to me), ketchup, mustard, mayo, etc. This is what the ketchup packets at fast food restaurants are for...never pay again!

four. Toliet paper. Joke, everyone. I hope I got ya with that. But really...flour, eggs, and napkins, I don't even know what those are.

four and four quarters. Cable TV, or really any TV for that matter. I have learned that Netflix, Redbox, and Hulu can get me by in this area. If you don't have Netflix, it's one of the best ideas ever. It's worth stealing the password to my mom's account.

Here's my motto: If it's not free, it's not cheap enough.

Story time: Reindeer

two. My friend Amy and I have a bad habit of mounting reindeer during the Christmas season. Call it childish, but it's fun. One year we went over to a disclosed neighborhood in Dunwoody and found the perfect set of deer. The lights were off in the house and deer were the kind that moved their heads. We mounted the deer and raced away.

The next day I get a text from Amy telling me that nobody had taken the reindeer off of each other. Every day that week I would get a text saying that it was still there. It seemed that the owners of this couple had been away for the break.

To this day, I'm still surprised that nobody took down those deer. Mate for life, friends.

And here's the evidence:

Story Time: (^$%&$@#^

For the next five weeks or so, I will be posting four and four quarters stories from my life. Some may be funny, some serious...I really haven't decided.

one. Back in my junior year, I went through a stage where I was working towards cleaning up my speech. This mainly came in the product of me sans cussing. With some slip ups here and there, I had made it 2 or so years without cussing. In the summer before I started college, Lindsay Ives, Jay Bowen, and I had all decided to go see Rocky Horror Picture Show at the ghetto fried and fabulous, Peachtree Cinemas. Afterwards, we headed to Waffle House for a 3 am breakfast. We were playing cards and in my utterly delirious state I dropped the F Bomb. No, not a simple "hell" or "dam (like the water holder, of course)." The Full Monty, the F Bomb. Lindsay and Jay stared at me in disbelief as I realized what I just said. I had gone two years until that moment. Blame it on Rocky Horror, blame it on the hash (browns, you crazies).

Home Sweet Home

I have been home over this long break. Sometimes when I get bored, these are things I like to do. Feel free to experiment when you go home for a weekend/holiday!

one. Sometimes when my mom (Ginga Payne, G Payne, G unit, Miss Payne, House of Payne, Gin, Aunt Gin, etc...) is trying to go to sleep at night I'll run in her room and do a bucking bronco on her mattress. Now let me explain the bronco. When my sister and I were little we use to jump on the mattress on all fours and kick our feet up, so we looked like we were, well, bucking broncos. Anyway, the other night I did this and hit the ceiling fan and now it's busted. Party foul.

two. In our office, we have a 7 foot tall bookshelf. There's no way the cats can jump up or down from it, so I just put them up there. I may or may not have forgotten they were up there a few times.

three. I don't have TV at my apartment so anytime I'm home I like to watch all of those shows that I would never spend time during the semester watching. Some of those shows include (all guilty pleasures): Keeping up with the Kardashians, 16 and Pregnant, Teen Mom, and Family Guy. Ginga has grown to love 16 and Pregnant. She thinks it's classy.

four. I got this wonderful mahogany back scratcher for Christmas (dream big, friends). My cats have fallen in love with it. The other night I was poking Jasper (my tux cat) with it and he grabbed the other side towards him while I was pulling the other side towards me. It was basically a tug of war situation. I lost. Yes, I'm ashamed.

four and four quarters. I really enjoy stretching my vocal cords when I'm home. This includes singing my cat's name in operatic fashion anytime I see them. Freckles' ears started bleeding the other day.

Secrets of Starbucks: Part Doppio

If I could post all of the things I would want Starbucks customers to know it might take me 1,098 points. Let's start it up!

one. If you're wondering about the title above, Starbucks likes to speak in Italian, and it's a reference to one of the Italian names. Here's your basic Italian phrases you might come across in a store:

• Short: 10 oz cup/Kids, Tall: 12 oz cup/Small, Grande: 16 oz cup/Medium, Venti: 20 oz cup/Large
• Breve: with half and half cream
• Macchiato: "marked on," meaning with foam.
• Solo: 1 shot, Doppio: 2 shots, Triple: 3 shots, Quad: 4 shots
• Con Panna: with whipped cream (only for things that don't normally get whip cream)
• Latte: "With milk," espresso, steamed (or cold) milk, light foam.
• Cappuccino: Espresso, lots of foam/less milk.
• Americano: Espresso and water, supposed to substitute brewed coffee.
• Red Eye: coffee with one shot of espresso; Black Eye: coffee with two shots of espresso.
• Misto: Half brewed coffee and half steamed milk.
• Double blended: blending frappucuinos twice so all of the ice is broken up.

two. Starbucks is a genius concept in that it provides a place where people stay for hours, but this is also its greatest downfall. It is true that many people "squat" at Starbucks, but I will let you know this-- I never notice anyone in the lobby. Maybe I should. I have a laundry list of things I need to do in the next five minutes usually and looking around the cafe is one of the last. So yes, you could probably stay in the cafe for the entire day and nobody would probably know/care.

three. The three phrases I say most:

1. Would you like a receipt? (Some people legitimately freak out-- so it's better to just ask)
2. Would you like whip cream on that? (If you're getting nonfat or soy milk in your drink, ya better believe I will ask you if you want those extra 100 calories or lactose filled whip)
3. Room for cream in your coffee? (I don't want to short you and I don't want to fill it up so much that you have to pour liquid in the garbage).

four. We re-brew each coffee every 30 mins, keep the pastries for only a day (most of them), "hand-make" the mocha, hand-make the drinks, recycle papers and milk cartons, use free-trade coffee beans (aka: they're from sustainable sources and used to enhance the community they come from by giving them a stable economy)--- so Dunkin Donuts, what now?!

four and four quarters. Calorie count--yayy!

• Lowest calorie drink: Brewed coffee, black (It's zero calories without cream or sugar, yes sir). P.S. The lowest calorie actual latte would be a short skinny vanilla/cinnamon dolce.
• Highest calorie drink: Venti Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha, 700 calories (white chocolate is the fat of dark chocolate)
• Lowest calorie pastry (excluding the bite size pastries): Marshmallow Dream Bar (210 calories), aka: Rice Krispie Treat.
• Highest calorie pastry: Banana Nut Loaf (490 calories) -- what a shame, that's the best thing on the menu.

Lies My Parents and the World Told Me

one. Toys are alive. I'm pretty sure everyone from my generation can blame Toy Story for their ruined spirit. After watching this movie I went home and told Jasmine and Simba that they could come to life and I wouldn't tell anyone. Yeah Pixar, it never happened.

two. When I was a youngin', I would receive Christmas presents from my cats and/or dog (aka: Murphy, dog; Amos, cat). One year, Amos, being a practical cat and all, got me some Fruit of the Loom from Target (note: I was four-ish, so F of the L is totally excusable). Now let me back up for a second and let all of you know that Amos' leg was messed up and he dragged it everywhere. Anyway, I asked my mom how Amos got the Loom and she said (get ready for the lie!), "Amos dragged himself to Target and wrapped it for you." And then I said, "Well Amos doesn't have a job, how did he pay for it? (see how smart I was...still cheap!)" Mom said, "We loaned him some." I have no words for this. My parents let that cripple drag himself to Target to get me some Loom...terrible.

three. The "D" from the Disney logo (see below) is supposed to be a "D," not a backwards "G." Yeah, Gisney.

four. Animals can talk. After seeing the movie Cats and Dogs I believed that my animals could talk. I told Maggie (dog) and Murphy (dog) if they wanted to talk to me, I wouldn't tell anyone. Little did they know that if this actually happened, I would've told anyone that would've listened. But anyway, did this ever happen? No. And now they will never talk because they're dead.

four and four quarters. One time my mom and I were in line at the pharmacy to pick up some drugs. As many of you know, they keep hmm..adult stuff... in that glass casing under the counter. So I asked my mom, "What are those colorful things with the people in the sunset?" She replied, "Oh, those are vitamins for adults." Mom, I'm an adult now and I should probably start taking my vitamins.

Awkward Circumstances

I'm all about the awkward, and I'll make it awkward just for the sake of being awkward. Here are some ways to make things awkward (and I just used "awkward" 4 times in 2 sentences).

one. Join Facebook groups that you shouldn't leave, and then leave them. For example, join the "I have never had sex with a goat" group and then leave it a few months later.

two. Pee in sinks. (see Baby Mama)

three. Lift up children and/or small animals and start singing "The Circle of Life."

four. Wear see-through swimsuits.

four and four quarters. Post unheard of words on Urban Dictionary that do not make any sense. For example, "Centaubear," or a mix between a Bear and a Centaur (half horse, half man). (See "Pegasus Hair").