Dearest Atlanta,
Do you want me to call you Hotlanta? I hear that's the nickname with the kids. Atl, though I love thee, you have some things that would make you the best city ever.
one. Transportation. Marta, CCT, GCT, CTRAN...all of you were over before you ever started. That's right aliens to the atlantan, we have FOUR transportation systems. How dare I be this bold, but these four transit systems are because of the racism that resides in Hotlanta (insert history lesson here). Georgia DOT, the beltline may be your saving grace if you can pull it off. My solution: fuse this already dying system into a getting-there profitable solo system. Maybe all these transit systems wouldn't be suffering right now if they didn't lead to nowhere.
two. Land lock. My-lanta (clever points), please make yourself a moat. This city would be much better if it were landlocked by some body of water. You're going to keep stretching yourself out into oblivion. My solution: start digging.
three. Bipolar weather. I'm pretty much a psychologist, and Atlanta, you have bipolar disorder. I love you in the early fall and late spring, but the rest of the time you just go on mood swings. Let's make a plan to stick to a weather plan (poetry points). My solution: no more rain dances.
four. Safety in Numbers. Atl, I never want to hear you being referred to as the Detroit of the South. That just isn't cool. Take a shower; clean yourself up. My solution: If you have a great option, then go for it.
four and four quarters. Own it. Big A, you've got a lot to offer. You may not be as cool as say, New York City or Los Angeles, but you could get there. I don't want to peer pressure you, but be bold and confident. Try some new things. You have the potential to be great. Clearly you're never going to be a place of big tourism. It doesn't have to be your speciality; leave it to Orlando and Washington DC. Consider yourself the land of Chick-fil-a, Waffle House, and Gucci Mane. Who wouldn't be proud of that? You go, Hotlanta.
Just thought i'd throw this out there: You cant be land locked by a body of water.
ReplyDeleteI've never been more proud to be from Atlanta. Except for the Michael Vick scandal...gosh the good ole days.
ReplyDeleteThe racism wasn't from Hotlanta. It was from the suburbs who didn't want that "element" to come to them. Guess what? It did!
ReplyDeleteWe do have a big river to stop us but then it hasn't.
i laughed for about 2min straight at the moat line
ReplyDeleteMost of us from suburbia see a black shadow approaching from the south. And no it isn't smog.
ReplyDeleteJK! I go downtown for the DCI show every year but other than that I've never had a reason to drive that far. Plus traffic is awful. And I don't think public transportation is anywhere near the top of the governor's priority list.